Wake at 8.30am as previous evening spent concocting grand scheme of how to spend time before work. Bullet point 1: Coffee, cigarette, shower, shave, second coffee, complete Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7. 2: Update Producing CV (saved for later). 3: Download controversial and potentially incriminating Rolling Stones documentary. 4: Haircut. 5: Breakfast. Bullet points in scheme all completed by 10am so decide to watch Clooney comedy that saw posters for but that has sunk without trace since. Remember during credit sequence that poster consisted of face of famous men who self generally likes.
Find self impressed by Ewan McGregor’s accent. Am distinctly unimpressed by sound quality of AVI file. Initially blame VLC player but shift blame to torrent file. Whole film sounds as if it has hip hop sub-track. Self not fond of majority of hip hop. Self also not fond of completely unrealistic storyline of The Men Who Stare at Goats. Find self accidentally typing “ghosts” instead of “goats.” Wonder if this due to recent screening of Paranormal Activity or because of Clooney caper psych-experienment based content.
Interest bubbles up whenever McGregor voice over gives backstory about Jeff Bridges being hippy commander in army and teaching Clooney and Kevin Spacey how to use their minds to see inside locked boxes and kill ghosts. Shit. Goats. Enjoy that Kevin hates Clooney, meaning that Kevin doesn’t have to act too much as Kevin always angry anyway and neither does Clooney as his expression always that of man put-upon.
Interest dwindles as plot gets increasingly ludicrous and self checking emails every thirty seconds by the time Jeff Bridges spikes water tank in army base and everyone begins tripping on LSD. Find out that self has been offered unpaid job of Casting Assistant for You Me Bum Bum Train. Think credit will look good on CV but vague acting ambition takes pounding.
Film finishes as self initiates download of several football-themed films. Pleased to be covering both English and American understanding of word in future film experiences. Decide that self has taken nothing from Clooney caper beyond smile or three. Decide to venture out to acquire copy of One Night in Turin on Blu-Ray to watch with, and subsequently sell to, self’s father. Hate self for not watching BBC 4’s 50 Most Shocking World Cup Moments on iPlayer instead of disappointing McGregor movie. Take slight solace in completist feelings regarding Kevin and Clooney careers. Leave house without running through wall. Grand scheme bullet point 6: Delete The Men Who Stare at Ghosts.