Intension to wake early scuppered by previous nights’ wine theft and fear have missed tennis date with flatmate Tom. Quick scan of rooms inconclusive as flat empty, but flatmate Tom may have already come and gone. Decide to send teasing holier-than-thou text message to ascertain state of play. Minutes later, flatmate Tom returns and remain silent about what time self rose.
Midday tennis generates charred shoulders for self and flatmate Tom. Undeterred we remain in sun to enjoy Devon based cider. Return home and begin filling out BFI job application whilst flatmate Tom clears room in anticipation of visit from girlfriend Georgia.
To and fro from work and spend evening watching Paul Rudd romcom Over Her Dead Body, as Beatty heaven film rewarding and feel self should have vague sense of continuity in blog. Remember seeing trailer for Ruddcom some time in past but remain ignorant of UK cinematic release. Wonder how writer Jeff Lowell has managed to spin timeworn public phrase into entire narrative. Film begins and within five minutes inescapably transparent that he has not.
Paul Rudd seems to want to marry annoying Eva Longoria Parker. Unsure why he becomes so upset when Parker crushed by ice sculpture. Rudd continues mourning for entire year before more-annoying-than-Parker sister forces him to visit psychic Lake Bell. Self falls in love. Self pauses VLC player to go on Lake Bell Google image rampage and encounter disappointing results. Return to VLC player as Lake Bell by far hotter in Over Her Dead Body than anything else.
Amused to see Jason Biggs in Lake Bell’s kitchen being gay. Unconvinced by Biggs’ homosexuality as only real suggestion of this is choker around Biggs’ neck. Self has choker. Self not gay. Find self cross with Biggs. Self’s mild anger turns to barely concealed rage when Ghost Bitch Longoria Parker returns to the screen. Ghost Bitch unhappy with Rudd/Lake Bell union despite its kooky charm.
All heaven breaks loose when Biggs reveals self as not gay after all. Lake Bell feels betrayed as best friend Biggs has shared hot tubs with her. See now why self initially unhappy about Biggs as know self would pretend gayness to share hot tub with Lake Bell. Feel first sense of dislike towards Lake Bell when she says: “I just wanted to cry on my best friend.” Realise now that Jeff Lowell talentless moron and feel pleased that following Rudd vehicle with ridiculous premise, Lowell wrote Hotel for Dogs.
Eventually Ghost Bitch sees light and lets Lake Bell date Rudd. Everyone happy except Biggs. Until Biggs goes to Rudd/Bell wedding and meets Rudd’s obnoxious sister and inevitably falls for her.
Wonder why Rudd made film. Presumably to kiss Lake Bell. Self can think of no other reason. Realise that self is about to go to bed completely sober. Terrified that self has only experienced sensation twice before since January. Remember scene in film where Ghost Bitch keeps Lake Bell up all night monologuing about her favourite pets. Realise that stupid Jeff Lowell besotted by animals. Hotel for Dogs less of a surprise follow-up in context of newly discovered Lowell animal addiction.