Return to flat on stroke of midnight after climax of football competition. Flatmate Johnny at non-flatmate girlfriend Vicky’s flat. Flatmate Tom at non-flatmate girlfriend Georgia’s flat. Intensions of inviting non-flatmate birthday boy Martin to become new boyfriend for lone reason of having someone to come home with self scuppered when victorious Spanish revellers stream into roads and distract self with merriment.
Have acquired several nightcaps on walk home and initialise little known Ben Affleck film Man About Town on VLC player. Had seen poster for film on website years ago and remembered vague desire to watch film when perusing Affleck filmography during hilarious game of career comparison between Affleck and friend Matt Damon.
Affleck playing successful Hollywood agent type. Affleck probably desirous of character’s job given Affleck lack of involvement in Bourne Trilogy. Despite Affleck character’s money, Affleck hair questionable.
Affleck troubled by wife cheating on him with Adam Goldberg. Difficult to sympathise as Goldberg is hardbody and much funnier than Affleck. Affleck so upset that he decides to take journal writing course supervised by John Cleese. Wonder if self would benefit from Cleese-run blog tutorial. Decide Cleese would adopt know-all uncle approach and negatively scrutinise self’s alcohol intake upon review of blog. Wonder if self should take up lying. Decide self not wise enough to get away with mistruths in blog, unlike Affleck character who is cunning and ego maniacal to extent that no one wants to talk to him. Sympathy for Affleck as this may be reflection of real life.
Appearance of Gina Gershon alerts self to possible lesbian sex scene. Self annoyed at blurriness of vision and decide to put film on hold until morning. Pause at suitable point: Affleck writing in journal about loathing of brother when younger because brother stole Affleck girlfriend. Affleck writes, “End of entry.” Find Affleck end of entry ridiculous and become angry at Mike Binder’s screenplay. Anger escalates when research reveals Mike Binder also responsible for direction. Go to sleep close to certain that self will never finish film.
Wake at 10.30am and leave to purchase luncheon supplies for rest of week. Return and decide to finish Affleck film whilst washing up and making sandwiches. Enjoyment of film soars when masked stranger comes to Affleck house to carry out Affleck bashing and steal Affleck diary. Affleck very upset with his replacement teeth and about not having journal anymore. Forty minute negotiation with failed screenwriter woman begins. Self close to drowning in soapy water in kitchen sink but self saved when noise of door opening signals return of flatmate Tom.
By grace of unknown possibly non-existant celestial entity, terrible sense-numbing Affleck vehicle comes to predictable conclusion. Am impressed with self surviving until end and feel as if self should receive some sort of award, as watching Man About Town far more gruelling than playing seven games of football in South Africa to win trophy.
Somehow, watching Affleck film has swallowed entire day, and realise that self on brink of being late for work. Have just enough time to research film and decide that self definitely deserving of award as Man About Town‘s imdb page doesn’t even have active awards link for film. Am pleased by film’s failings in domain of decoration, but not by stupid user review labelling film “worthwhile drama.” Decide to become boy about town and set off for work on two-wheeled bicycle.
End of entry.