Bandits

Leave work at 9.15pm and walk homeward. Originally provisional organisation of meeting with non-flatmate new-German-friend Anke to watch Bandits reaches consummation when self meets Anke at tube station. Anke has acquired several cans of cider as self apparently told her to. Self has also acquired several cans of cider on off chance that Anke memory neglectful.Self and new pal retire to self’s bedroom to invent homemade cinema in form of newly cleansed heavy-duty office chair (originally gleaned from street by flatmate Johnny which self puts laptop on, using bed as auditorium).

Anke displays home-made DVD made by Anke mother. Self initially finds DVD repugnant as self suspicious of pirating (which self would never partake in as self finds illegal downloading far more tolerable) but feelings squashed when DVD revealed as copy of previously purchased DVD. Self enjoys exclamation mark in film title on box of DVD:


Screening begins. Self has seen Bandits in past. Self has since developed fondness for Barry Levinson. However self not fully happy with Levinson output of late: Robert De Niro film-about-producer-that’s-not-as-good-as-heart-warming-De-Niro-film-Everybody’s-Fine What Happened?, embarrassingly terrible Jack Black philosopy-of-shit film Envy. Self used to, in childhood, watch Bandits every Sunday on computer in parents’ study with several bowls of Ricicles: version of cereal similar to Kellogg’s Rice Krispies but with addition of frosted sugar coating. Self has been involved in ongoing quest to find box of Ricicles ever since moving in to new flat. Self has endured sustained disappointment on this front.

Self fondly remembers Bob Dylan heavy soundtrack. Self begins torrenting soundtrack. Anke vocalises enjoyment of documentary-filmmaker-whose-imaginary-programme-bookends-film’s voice and self considers adoption of deeper tones in self voice to seem more attractive. Film equally enjoyable as used to be to younger self.

Enjoyment of Banditen! enhanced by continued use of space bar to pause film to discuss cross-references. Pause button also utilised during consecutive visitations by flatmate Johnny and flatmate Tom to discuss flatmate Tom and flatmate Johnny. Self feels incestuousness of flatmates unappealing to non-flatmate Anke and self closes door.

Anke fount of film knowledge. Anke film viewing history results in self shame at not having seen Footloose. Self has purposefully avoided watching Footloose as self unnerved by image of Kevin Bacon dancing. Self attempts redemption by citing Flashdance. Citation flops and self considers going on run and starting career as bank robber with hope of avoiding further embarrassment. Self ready for occupation as self has, at various points in life, felt similarities to all three main characters of Banditen! However, self currently most akin to Billy Bob Thornton allergy-obsessed-feminine character, so self does nothing.

Home-made cinema, towards end of film, causes neck pains. Self exhausted after long day of press screening and date. Anke far from understanding. Anke insists on talking to self until late hours. Self considers use of end of permanent marker on back of new pal Anke’s neck to give impression of self owning gun. Plan sabotaged by self as self falls asleep. Self unsure of whether meeting with Anke constituted date. Self wonders if Cate Blanchett liked Billy Bob Thorton or Bruce Willis more in Banditen! as result of comparison would give self hint. Self can’t decide. Self endures nightmares of Kevin Bacon dancing whilst clutching to non-Kevin-Bacon-lookalike Anke. Kevin Bacon becomes imaginary presence in mind and self longs for bottom end of permanent marker.

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About josh-in-reel-life

Often disgruntled blogger.
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