Kick-Ass

Following numbing experience offered by The Joneses, decide that self due film viewing that self knows congenial in advance. Load Jonathan-Ross-wife-scripted presumably jolly film Kick Ass onto VLC player. Create elaborate chicken/ham/tomato/cucumber/olive/lettuce/spinach/cheese/oregano/salt salad and enjoy by-now-well-known underdog plot of kid deciding to become vigilante superhero, including shockingly graphic (given preconceptions regarding film) stab-and-hit-by-car sequence and young-girl-who’s-also-vigilante-and-daughter-of-ex-cop-now-vigilante-Nicolas-Cage saying “Cunts.”

Film not as limitedly “jolly” as thought. Mid-way through film find self lacking of time and visit shop to purchase replacement cider for flatmate Johnny and make way to work. During journey, decide to make attempt to fight crime whenever possible in fashion of titular hero of film Kick Ass – as self has special power Kick Ass lacking (self is fat) – but crime on streets of Southwark relatively sparse. During work hours, receive two texts on portable communication device – one from flatmate Johnny, one from non-flatmate German friend Anke – requesting presence of self to watch films. Self frantic with excitement at prospect of finally fulfilling dreams of flatmate Johnny/Gerard Butler date night which self has mentioned in recent blog entries (especially since flatmate Johnny jetting to Frankfurt following morning), as well as concordant excitement with prospect of what self could do with non-flatmate German friend Anke, which self can do with flatmate Johnny but without flatmate Johnny agreement, besides watching film. Tragedy takes grip of life as text messages received after self has already agreed with non-flatmate current workmate Valentina that self will trek to original homestead in Walthamstow to collect pre-purchased gift for non-flatmate fellow workmate Gianluca. Self expounds dilemma to flatmate Johnny and non-flatmate Anke and begins voyage to late-childhood home. On way, self meets flatmate Johnny anyway, so self ridded of guilt.

Continued observance of potential crime fighting opportunities reaches apex when self uses public waterhouse for reasonable sum of 20p and embarks on clean up operation. Likelihood of crime fighting circumstances in Hackney higher than in Southwark, but self several ciders in hole so self decides bus home better option.

Self too drunk to watch separate interval film so enter sleep coma in parents bed. Wake at 6.30am, steal Kenneth Anger elusive-but-at-time-notorious follow-up to Hollywood Babylon book Hollywood Babylon II and return to Southwark. Now guilty of committing more crime that self preventing. Self too bleary eyed to care. Self decides against continuing renegade lifestyle of theft and libertarianism and looks for crime on subterranean transport system, but rush hour crowd mostly sleepy so self out of work.

Flatmate Johnny on way out of door when self returns to flat. Well wishing occurs before self settles on balcony to close out rest of Kick Ass and update blog. Film directed by Matthew Vaughn. Self fan of Matthew Vaughn. Self enjoyed Layer Cake, avoided Stardust, and will make genuine effort to watch 2012 release of Kick Ass 2: Balls to the Wall in cinema. Self particularly fond of Matthew Vaughn use of non-diegetic sound. Self does not use enough non-diegetic sound in real life – besides from repeat listening of Saturday Night by Whigfield (lyrics available below).

Discovery of sequel before watching end of Kick Ass pisses self off as ending prostitutes film as sequel fodder. However, self not too pissed off as film as good as everyone says. Nicolas Cage not amazing as self heard, although Nicolas Cage (purpose-achieved) comical when in suit as superhero Big Daddy. All told, thoroughly enjoyable experience. Self will continue to keep eye open for threats against humanity, even though self terrible at kicking ass. Self once tried to throw down to group of children on way home to gangland Walthamstow after children requested cigarette from self, but self ended up in similar position to henchmen who try to throw down to little girl in film. Decide to stick to what self knows best: superhuman capacity for drinking and typing blog. Self decides to listen to favoured song whilst doing so. Favoured song by Whigfield.


Lyrics to Saturday Night by Whigfield

Dee Dee na na na

Saturday night, I feel the air

Is getting hot

Like you baby

I’ll make you mine you know

I’ll take you to the top

I’ll drive you crazy

Saturday night, dance, I like

The way you move

Pretty baby

It’s party time and not one

Minute we can lose

Be my baby

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na – be my baby

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na – Pretty baby x2

Saturday night, I feel the air

Is getting hot

Like you baby

I’ll make you mine you know

I’ll take you to the top

I’ll drive you crazy

Saturday night, dance, I like

The way you move

Pretty baby

It’s party time and not one

Minute we can lose

Be my baby

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na – be my baby

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na – be my baby

Saturday night, I feel the air

Is getting hot (saturday)

Like you baby (saturday)

I’ll make you mine you know

I’ll take you to the top(saturday)

I’ll drive you crazy(saturday)

Saturday night, dance, I like

The way you move

pretty baby

It’s party time and not one

Minute we can lose

be my baby (ohh ohh)

its party time ohh..

its party time ohh…..

be my baby

saturday

saturday

ohh…

saturday night

saturday night

ohh… x2

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na

Saturday night x2

ohh…

Da ba da dan dee dee dee da

Nee na na na

Saturday night x2

Dee Dee na na na

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About josh-in-reel-life

Often disgruntled blogger.
This entry was posted in ***, 2010 and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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