Wake at 10am in morning feeling glorious, refreshed and prepared to vanquish illness developed yesterday whilst rehearsing Noël Coward play and drinking rosé on National Theatre balcony with non-flatmate ex-workmate Valentina. Self watches season two of The Wire whilst prepping itinerant to-do list for approaching holiday to sunny Portugal. Self decides to publish list on blog:
- Buy beach tolerant footwear
- Buy beach tolerant towel
- Print off RyanAir booking confirmation
- Avoid RyanAir hidden fees
- Pay RyanAir hidden fees which were too hidden for self to see
- Obtain addresses for friends deserving of postcard
- Buy beach tolerant pen for penning of postcards
- Exchange English sterling for European euros
- Cancel all direct debits in case self decides against returning.
Besides insipid tagline which self would expect to find not on film poster but on Facebook status update of teenage cousin, self confused to point of fear by Rachel McAdams’ positioning: does Rachel McAdams have paroxysms during film? Does Diane Keaton not care? Because Diane Keaton gesturing at flailing McAdams and smiling. Or maybe Diane Keaton gesturing towards Harrison Ford? Harrison Ford doesn’t care either way because Harrison Ford pulling expression similar to expression self pulled when self’s father told self that self, self’s father and self’s mother were going to cinema to see Morning Glory. Self remembers making comment that self had better things to do than go to cinema to watch skeletons rattle around in on screen coffin. Self also led to prior convictions about film (with immature title referencing erections) by Peter Bradshaw’s two star review in which Peter Bradshaw declared,
Nothing about the chemistry works here.
HOWEVER, self’s preconceptions AND Peter Bradshaw were both drastically in error. (Of course, self and Peter Bradshaw have long standing opinion rivalry since self and Peter Bradshaw attended screening of loveable comedy The Rebound, which Peter Bradshaw wasn’t very nice about. Blog post about The Rebound available here.) Self fully enjoyed Morning Glory (film, not erection), thus self knows in advance that watching film again will continue self’s glorious mood and set self up for enjoyable weekend.
Rachel McAdams loses job at morning television show and begs Jeff Goldblum for job at his network. Few months prior to self’s original cinema experience of Morning Glory self had attended performance at Vaudeville Theatre of Neil Simon’s The Prisoner of Second Avenue starring Jeff Goldblum. Whilst seeing Jeff Goldblum on theatre stage obviously electrifying, self couldn’t help but think how long ago it was Jeff Goldblum played sexy leather jacket dark sunglasses wearing mathematician in Steven Spielberg nature documentary Jurassic Park, and how different Jeff Goldblum appears now.
It’s enough to make self cry. Nowadays, Jeff Goldblum resembles human version of praying mantis (not fly). Self intends not to decry Jeff Goldblum as actor, self merely saddened by passing of years and Jeff Goldblum’s current occupation as supporting character in funny but mostly instantly forgotten comedies like Morning Glory and The Switch.
Self can see why little fuss made over Morning Glory. Morning Glory not newsroom film of calibre of Network or Good Night and Good Luck, but with appearance of stony Harrison Ford, whose only commitment is reporting important current events like war and starvation, film nudges audience to acknowledge that next ninety minutes more about enjoying sunny side of life.
Harrison yet to realise this so initially refuses to work for Rachel McAdams and Jeff Goldblum at trashy morning show:
Jesus, Daybreak. Half the people who watch your show have lost the remote. The other half are waiting for their nurse to turn them over.
Nevertheless, Harrison turns up to first day of work with Diane Keaton. But Harrison, like Jennifer Lopez, has demands for his dressing room. Self thinks Harrison’s demands are quite limited. All he wants are newspapers, mixers for spirits and tropical fruit selection plate. If self were anchor of morning television programme, self’s demands would be no less than what self has on desk:
Self’s demands misleadingly easy to arrange, as whilst majority can be purchased at corner shop, self’s soft toy dog only available for purchase in Edinburgh. Self hopes old flatmate Johnny noting appearance of dog, because self once returned home to old flat to find soft toy dog hanging by noose from light fixture in self’s room. Self pretends to still like old flatmate Johnny, but self has actually never forgiven him.
Whilst sat in dressing room enjoying met demands Harrison Ford causes self to embark on elongated tangent. Harrison Ford reveals ankle wear:
Self certain that self has seen such flamboyant ankle wear elsewhere. Self conducts brief memory search before realising that Harrison Ford shares ankle wear taste with real life on prowl English journalist Andrew Marr:
Andrew Marr so famous for journalism that Andrew Marr has his own television show about journalism called The Andrew Marr Show. All this in spite of Andrew Marr’s suspicious choice of ankle wear. Further (almost journalistic) investigation reveals that Andrew Marr gets away with wearing loud apparel because when Andrew Marr interviews specially important people, Andrew Marr takes different approach to style:
Andrew Marr clearly taking interview with American President quite seriously. Self hopes Andrew Marr was wearing absolutely ridiculous socks – perhaps socks with picture of Garfield on them – last Sunday when last copy of newspaper known as ‘News of the World’ was published, and Andrew Marr allowed this image to appear on programme:
The world’s greatest newspaper
as can be seen in top right hand corner of paper’s front page. Self says good riddance to ‘News of the World’.
Tangent exhausting so self retires down stairs in flat to refrigerate beers. New flatmate H feeding stray cats outside flat kitchen, although Garfield absent. Self takes break of eight hours.
Wake at 9am and resume watching Morning Glory. Watching Morning Glory in morning more suitable and pleasurable than watching Morning Glory at 1am in evening. Jeff Goldblum makes Rachel McAdams upset by telling her that Daybreak morning show will be cancelled unless she can increase ratings. Rachel McAdams’ approach involves lots of extremes, but extremes work. Rachel McAdams’ offered better job because she’s so apt at producing. But Rachel McAdams doesn’t want to leave. But Harrison Ford’s still being nasty. So Rachel McAdams leaves. But then Harrison Ford makes frittatas. No person alive can resist Harrison Ford making frittatas. Least of all self. Closing montage makes self both laugh and tear up.
Peter Bradshaw’s brief review of film contained only one element of criticism, which self quoted above, but Peter Bradshaw entirely wrong. Self suspects Peter Bradshaw didn’t watch film. Or if Peter Bradshaw did watch film, Peter Bradshaw feeling in similar mood to Harrison Ford in Morning Glory. Self feeling in great mood thanks to film. After such pleasing morning, self looks forward to similar afternoon and evening. Self has man date with old flatmate Johnny later. Self will tick off lots of points on to-do list before date, including additional six:
- Locate all remaining copies of ‘News of the World’
- Buy neck-unfriendly rope
- Set newspapers aflame
- Tie rope around old flatmate Johnny’s neck in noose fashion
- Dangle Johnny above newspaper blaze
- Laugh heartily whilst clutching soft toy dog.