Wake at 9am. In reality, self woke at 10.30am, but typing 9am looks better. Whilst updating blog with Aliens post, self engages in viewing of episode from Aaron Sorkin’s collapsed television show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Self has taken to revisiting sorely yearned for Sorkin show each morning as high calibre dialogue makes self feel more intelligent for rest of day. Impression of intellect rather undermined by self’s habit of making animal noises whenever stroked on head or baby sounds whenever tickled on tummy which self thinks amusing and almost cute. In reality, self’s behaviour contemptible curious creepiness. Continue reading

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Wake at 9am with design to go on morning jog through wooded area near house before traveling to central London to continue writing almost-forgotten-certainly-under-nurtured play about state of literary criticism which self hopes will make self rich and famous before end of year before going to double shift at work. During morning coffee and cigarette routine in back garden, sluggish self becomes aware that British summer rainstorm occurring around self. With substantially sweetened coffee splish splashing across garden patio, self finishes soggy smoke and reenters house, damp, plans aborted entirely, with new plan of action encompassing watching second film in Alien tetralogy Aliens and playing on Internet. Self pleased with plan as usually (ignoring momentary lapse of slothfulness self had earlier when productive and useful proposal for how to spend day prior to work was made) self’s weekends are occupied by time at work and are as busy socially and personally as Terence Malick’s filmmaking career. Continue reading

Posted in ***, 1986 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


Return home from work at 10pm absolutely convinced that self and large portion of mankind will suffer death by splintery extra-terrestrial rock fingers of 390 metre wide asteroid named Apophis in 2036. Fears attributed to small sized article in The Times on Saturday and medium sized online post on The Guardian website in 2005. Preparations can not begin soon enough. Whilst self’s chances of surviving until date of deep impact slimmer than Christy Turlington, precautions for semi-armageddon now necessarily under consideration. Precautions include but not limited to move from terrestrial plane to life in space. Self has never lived in outer space before, although friends of self might argue that self’s mind has long resided in far flung reaches of galaxy. Nevertheless, mental unrest does not equate to understanding of domesticity in deep dark space. Further, what can self expect to find whilst star surfing upon constellations? Continue reading

Posted in ****, 1979 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Guardian

Wake at 1.30am on night bus following audition for play destined for Camden Fringe Festival. Self in no state to bed down as adrenaline and alcohol surging through bloodstream after entire day spent in pub interacting with old (though younger than self) university friends. In bag self finds two beers, book on life of Iris Murdoch, two highlighter pens, small blue notepad, various Guardian newspaper supplements and DVD of Kevin Costner/Ashton Kutcher 2006 film The Guardian. Presumption that film brilliant investigative journalist thriller in style of All the President’s Men or Zodiac about old hang dog journalist at Guardian newspaper being coupled with young jump puppy journalist at Guardian to uncover massive political misdeeds would be wrong, though understandable, as actual content of film unknown to most as film not exactly considered classic. In reality, film more like sea version of Ladder 49. Self has film in bag as self gave film to non-flatmate-nor-house-mate-best-bambina-work-mate Valentina as present as Valentina has crush on Ashton Kutcher. Self inherited through genes self’s mother’s crush on Kevin Costner, so naturally self has already seen film, but since film readily available and self unwilling to sleep, self inserts DVD into parentally owned plasma-TV-based media centre in living room. Continue reading

Posted in **, 2006 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Life as a House (et al)

Wake at 6.30am. Sleep. Wake at 7am. Sleep. Wake at 7.04am. Sleep. Wake at 8.30am. Alarm noise from encased-in-pink iPhone 3GS causes creeping sense of possibility of nervous disorder developing so decide finally to tip self from bed onto floor to pacify iPhone hubbub with recently built body blubber. Continue reading

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Podcast Episode 2 10/09/10

Wake unexpectedly early at 9am. Realise following investigation that early rise due to flashing reminder on phone. Strange. Self does not remember using reminder function on mobile communication device to create reminder. Remember suddenly that last time self was in communion with non-flatmate workmate Tom Bell for creation of podcast to remind blog readers what to expect to see in cinema in forthcoming week, Tom Bell spent length of time toying with mobile communication device with wry smile on face.

Realise in Sherlockian manner that non-flatmate Tom Bell has abused access privileges for sake of jeopardising self sleep pattern. Decide to make Tom Bell life living hell.

Remember in upsetting non-phone-based-reminder moment that Tom Bell needed for podcast. Decide to forgo punishment until later yet-to-be-determined-but-hopefully-soon date.

Record podcast with disappointingly ill Tom Bell and, post podcast, post podcast on podcast posting website. Podcast posting gleeful as self remembers at point of posting – from analogue reminder Post-It posted on nearby bedroom wall – that iTunes automatically updates self podcast on podcast section of iTunes, therefore self has no reason to post podcast on podcast section of iTunes website. Readers need to deposit in search engine of iTunes store: Josh in Reel Life, and will thus have access to new podcast post. Decide to programme reminder to self in phone that self need not post podcast on iTunes, as well as reminder to commit act of vengeance not in favour of reminder posting Tom bell.

As a reminder, podcast post available at:

Podcast post also available on iTunes podcast sections.

Post casting of post on blog about posting of podcast, self carries out post-mortem of blog entry. Post will be, disappointingly, unavailable by post.

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American Beauty

My name is self. This is my blog. This is (very much) my life. I am twenty-three years old, in less than a year (chances are), I’ll be dead. But, of course, I don’t know that (for a fact) yet. And, in a way, I’m dead already. Look at me: blogging in my bedroom. This will be the highpoint of my day. It’s all downhill from here. Continue reading

Posted in *****, 1999 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment